Into My Mind

Friday, November 27, 2009


My Girl is one of my favorite coming of age/chick flick movies. The protagonist is Vada she is an eleven-year-old tomboy who enters adolescence in summer of '72. Everything comes at her once, she has her period, her first kiss, her father starts dating then gets engaged and her first kiss/best friend dies. She evolves physically and emotionally. By the end of the film, she's stronger and wiser. When I first saw the film I liked it but I was young. As I got older I grew to love it and I have a deeper understanding of it. I relate to the character of Vada more so now because I'm going through my own transformation. The only difference is she only had control over her reaction to the events that she was faced with while I have total command of my situation.

One year ago this week, I started my weight loss journey. I've lost close to 12 inches off my waist. It's unbelievable because my last attempt at losing weight was awful. I'm proud to see how far I've come. In two to three months I know I'll reach my goal weight of 120 lbs (I'm 5'4) because I feel unstoppable.

Honestly, it wasn't concern for my health or a traumatic event that triggered this change; it was pure vanity. Last year, the week before Thanksgiving, I had been given a new pair of pants and they were tight...really tight. I had been that size for over two years. The moment I had put on those pants and felt how constricting they were, I was horrified. The feeling of those pants flipped a switch within me. I thought to myself, "I need to change. I need to get my ass into gear and lose this weight." Those damn pants squeezed some sense into me.

I started off slow by walking twice a day but then I had a setback. I got a serious case of bronchitis in the last half of January and first half of February. It took two rounds of antibiotics to clear up the infection. I didn't exercise for that entire time the doctor told me not to because I couldn't breathe right. I did stay on my diet. It was hell because I felt helpless and all I could do was wait it out. I didn't give up, that wasn't an option for me.

After that passed I went back to walking. When I felt that my body was ready for it I moved onto running a half hour in morning and evening. Then it turned into an one hour. Now, it's an hour and fifteen minutes twice a day, six days a week. I also walk my dogs for a half hour before running. Sometimes I'll jump rope or dance for extra cardio. Weight lifting is minimal because I want to look tone yet still feminine like First Lady Michelle Obama (she has nice guns and gams). I'm not always thrilled to run or lift weights but I think about the long term effects if I don't do it and that usually pushes me.

As far as dieting, I don't eat after six. I'm eating the appropriate portions. There is no way in hell I can give up carbs. I'm Asian, I'll never give up white rice or noodles. Now I eat less of them but I make sure to include whole grains. Chicken, turkey and some lean beef make up my proteins. My snacks are fruits, baby carrots, 100 calorie snack packs, and yogurt. On occasion, I'll cook some stir fry vegetables but it's only for myself so I don't use a lot of vegetable oil. Or I'll use extra virgin olive oil, it's heart healthy. Other than that exception, I steer clear of fried foods. I allow myself one cheat day and even then, I don't binge. Thanksgiving was my cheat day and I had one slice of cheesecake (we don't like pumpkin pie). There are definitely times when temptation pulls at me, I'm human it happens. I either don't give in or I choose a healthy snack.

I know why I was overweight. It wasn't genetics or me eating my emotions. The fact is I enjoy eating, it's a wonderful experience that stimulates all the senses. I don't understand the people who say that they get so busy they forget to eat that sounds unnatural to me. That being written, I let my fondness for food get out of control. And forget about exercise. I grew up hating it because my very first PE teacher was a horrible (and masculine looking) woman (so she claimed) that made any type of physical activity torturous. However, it is ultimately my fault for not eating right and being sedentary.

Seeing how my body has transformed is strange because I'm used to staring at a chubby reflection (I was never rotund) in the mirror and now that image has dramatically changed. I'll admit I'm a little sad that my boobs are getting smaller but I shouldn't complain. I was a 46DD and currently, I'm a 42D. As a woman I want to hold onto my curves...On the other hand, I want to stand without the fear of tipping over lol I'm accepting the decreasing size of my beloved boobs while secretly hoping I won't get smaller than a C cup. The health benefits feel fabulous. I have more energy, I'm sleeping better, I'm stronger, I feel incredible and I've added years onto my life.

Look, it's not easy but nothing in life worth fighting for is. In order for me to take the first step on this journey I had to put my fears and doubts aside because that was the road block I had put up for myself. Only I could tear it down and I am so proud that I did. Growing up and even now, I don't have a woman in my life who is happy with who she is. No helped or taugh how to build myself up emotionally, I had to do it for myself. I had to become my own inspiration and motivator; it was always in me it was just untapped. Never in my entire life have I ever felt this empowered. It is absolutely amazing to see what you're truly capable of once you put in the energy, time and effort. I would have never found out if I hadn't taken that first step. Now that I have and then some, I know I can conquer anything.