Into My Mind

Friday, February 25, 2005

......Blame Ben....Believe me, you will feel awesome if you do!

Have a nagging problem that just won't go away? Does it feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders? Well, I have the perfect solution to that, blame Ben Affleck. That's right, you heard me, Blame Ben.

Through my many hours of research and playing hours of six degrees of separation, I have finally discovered the answer to all the world's problem; Ben Affleck. Everything can be traced back to him. The Curse of the Affleck like the movie "The Grudge" has infected many innocent actors/actresses around him, especially those who bed him. Gwenyth Paltrow, J.Lo and Jennifer Garner have not faired well since being infected by this horrible curse. Gwenyth and J.Lo have not had a film that was a commercial or critical success since inheriting this curse. We all know how horrible "Elektra" is doing at the box-office. Granted, the circumstances surrounding its release were ill-fated (JG being sick and not doing promotion and the horrible reviews it has received from fans and critics) but her relationship with Ben and being on every magazine cover with him did not help her case either. I won't even go into the current state of Ben's career because it's too damn depressing.

This blasted curse has leaked into politics as well. I solely blame Ben for John Kerry's loss, not Bob Schrum, BEN! There were already enough celebrities backing Kerry. His camp could have-wait, scratch that, they SHOULD have said no to Ben. They had Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston, Edward Norton, and Sarah Jessica Parker. Once you got the Pitts and Carrie Bradshaw on your side, you don't need anyone else, especially Affleck. So what if he's from MA, Matt Damon is from Boston too but he didn't feel the need to jump onto the band wagon. Ben should have been tazered, bound, gagged and then pushed off the wagon. We can also thank Ben for the current state of the ozone layer. Him and damn Aqua Net!!

Sadly, the curse Ben carries with him claimed another victim, the 2003 Red Sox. Aaron Boone and not even Grady Little, are not the reasons why the Sox didn't make it the world series that year, it was their most famous and annoying fan, Ben. What kind of a die hard Red Sox fan brings their Yankee loving finace to Fenway Park? Worst of all, he allowed her to act like a DivaBitch. Who in their right mind requests a small monitor to view the game when they have seats right next to the Sox dugout???? A DivaBitch, that's who! As a Sox fan, he was sleeping with the enemy! I curse you Ben Affleck, I curse you for all eternity! *Hisses*

Ben projects a very appealing image. The "I'm just a good old boy from Beantown" image but I just can't buy it. I should, because I'm a huge Red Sox fan, we're from Boston, but I can't. It just seems so fake. He's trying so hard to convince people that he's humble and real. His lifestyle and behavior completely contradict the persona that he's trying to project.

My opinion of Ben is colored by his relationship with J.Lo and no, I'm not talking about the magazine covers and entertainment shows they were on. I saw footage of them on the set of "Gigli" and how they were affectionate with one another and she was still married to Cris Judd. The way that they were being affectionate was not platonic. He was touching her butt and hugging her. Even though she was willing to openly flirt and be unfaithful to her husband, he was just as guilty. The fact that he took advantage of the situation was wrong. He knew that she was married and Cris even told him to back off. Instead of being a man and obeying Cris's request he sent her flowers at the opening of her restaurant and took out a full page ad in Variety raving about how great it was to work with her. When I saw that, I said to myself, "Dude, you are so fucking shameless!"

His younger brother Casey is not trying to project that image because he is down to Earth and real. In Boston magazine he hints that he knows that his relationship with Ben is not perfect and that he's closer to Matt. He does talk about how Hollywood can change a guy for the worst. He mentions without saying names how some guys start dating movie stars (Gwenyth, J.Lo and now Jennifer Garner) and buying expensive cars (Ben loves to buy Bentleys) to feel successful or to boost their ego and he just doesn't agree with that. He called out his own brother without even naming him. Now, you know that you must suck when you're little brother is publicly dissing you.

It is obvious, what must be done. Yes, this curse must be lifted. All that I'm suggesting is that we, (the World) should come together and ...erradicate this problem. For a couple of bones, I know a certain four-legged individual, named after a certain incarcerated domestic diva, who will gladly solve our little..problem. The best part, she can make it look an accident.


Post a Comment

<< Home