.........More bland than dry toast......

This morning, I happened to catch Kathy Griffin's Allegedly stand up special on Bravo. Yes I know, I tend to like polarizing people, Angelina, Margaret Cho, Wanda Sykes, Bill Maher, Michael Moore and Sarah Silverman--oh my!


Anyway, she was talking about her "Gwyneth" encounter on the red carpet a few years ago and I was not surprised to find out that she (Gwyneth) was as Christian Finnegan would say, "A pretentious jackass". There are many examples of this, either watch her interviews where she is always condescending to the host or find the video of her presenting a Golden Globe to Sir Anthony Hopkins in a faux and horrible English accent. I am aware that she was in the English drama Emma but seriously, she couldn't even pronounce Anthony correctly...she constantly referred to him as "Ant-tinnee" WTF?! I'm not a hardcore fan of his but I at least know how to say his name!


When she was on Late Night with Conan O'Brien, she bragged about how she threw her friend a bachelorette party. They had tea, did yoga and went to a sex shop. And no, I am not kidding, she seemed pretty damn proud of herself as she told Conan of her "wacky" adventure. Maybe her friend is exactly like her, incredibly dull and snooty. But my God, with the exception of the trip to the sex shop, that had to the lamest bachelorette party EVER! Tea??? Forget about that.....YOGA? Granted, yoga isn't exactly like spinning or Tae Bo, but the last thing I want to do on my very last night of "single life" is fucking exercise! Because believe or not, I am a lady. Therefore, I'd prefer to do all my heavy sweating and awkward positioning for the wedding night or if you're Britney Spears, the bathroom floor of the nearest Starbucks.


Then there was Shallow Hal....I can't believe I'm about to type this, that movie was so below Jack Black. As a chubby guy, I don't think he honestly believes that there is a fit and incredibly attractive man within him just waiting to get out! She had the balls to advocate the film's message "Looks shouldn't matter" yes, because she definitely adopted that as her personal motto when she dated fuglies like Brad Pitt, Ben Affleck(I know, I know but there are uglier men out there), that rich guy...wasn't he an heir to something....and English rocker Chris Martin.


Look, I'm not going to deny her best talents, singing and acting. However, I'll admit that I have learned one thing from Ms. Paltrow...I know now how to not be a pretentious boob. Hell, it would take 12 of her elitist ones just to fill one of my humble bra cups.

......The body of a woman, with the emotions of a child...

The title of this entry is a quote that Elizabeth Taylor actually said about herself but these days, it best explains Ms. Britney Spears current state of mind.


Her interview with Matt Lauer, did nothing to sway me. She's still on my "On Notice" list (thanks Stephen Colbert). Like everything else in her career, this interview was intentional, she WANTS America and the world to feel sorry for her, according to certain polls she has somewhat succeeded.


The biggest pop star of my generation and one of television's most respected journalist were talking to each other in this beautiful California mansion....but just look at the little details.

First off, she wants to be taken seriously, and she also wants to be seen and treated as an adult/woman. But look at her disheveled appearance, her hair was fried, she had fake eye lashes, she did her own makeup and her top was unflattering and it barely held in her lactating breasts. Then there was the cup she drink from during the interview, it wasn't even a glass and no one bothered to take it out of the shot. It was one of disposable plastic cups that's red on the outside and white inside, you buy them in bulk from a wholesale warehouse/store, it was on the carpeted floor on her left side. Right there, she wanted to show the world she was "normal" and "unglamourous" but it backfired. How can she expect us, the general public to respect her when she can't even bother to clean herself up and spit out her gum?! This wasn't a quick stop at Starbucks or a corner store to get Cheetos, this was a nationally televised interview! Do I expect her to look like a model? No, but she could at least look presentable. If Larry Rudolph were still her manager he would die before letting her appear on television looking so haggard.


Then there was the interview itself, which....lordy. Her responses were very juvenile, she'd pout her bottom lip out at least twice or when Matt asked a tough question about Kevin she'd give him puppy dog eyes or look away. There were times, especially when it came to the questions about Kevin, where you can just tell that she wasn't being completely honest. If things were really "awesome" between them then why weren't they seen or photographed publicly together for almost three months? Non-famous couples don't even go that long without going out together or hell, even running errands like grocery shopping. She's not working and him...come on! He's "recording" an album but he's not even signed to a label yet.


Later on, she totally contradicted herself when she said that she was "country" thus explaining why she held Sean in her lap while driving but then she got offended when Matt said that some people called her a "redneck". The "We're country" excuse was laughable, I doubt she was four months old when her dad let her drive and it was probably on a deserted dirt back road not on a busy California street. And what was with her and the multiple misuse of finger quotes?


It is unfair that her role as a mother is under a microscope but with that being said....she just doesn't think. I don't believe it's done purposely but she held a drink (which I hope was non-alcoholic) while tripping on her always long and never tailored jeans and she almost dropped Sean. Obviously, it doesn't look good that she kept her grip on the drink the entire time. She just needs to be aware of her surroundings.


Concerning her relationship with Kevin, yeah, I don't like him and I'm not the only one that feels this way. Just from the interview, I could see that she was just trying to save face by being "defiant" about it. Honestly, just the fact that he left his pregnant girlfriend/baby mama to go on tour with Britney rather than staying in California and financially supporting his kids....that's a HUGE red flag. At the time of their "courtship", Britney pursued him (just watch their show Chaotic) and I don't think it mattered to her what his intentions were/are, she just wanted to not be alone anymore. She settled for less, and like other women in similar situations she will feel trapped in this relationship until she finally accepts the truth and ends it.


Her wish is for the paparazzi to leave her alone, that's incredibly unrealistic. The only way that will happen is if she moves to Idaho like Demi Moore did or Switzerland like her idol Shania Twain. Although quite frankly, she needs them because the day that they're not following her, she's going to freak out. Those who want to see her candid pictures are her fans that buy her music but if they lose interest in her then she loses the business that they give her.


Ever since she was on MMC, she wanted to be famous. She wanted the attention, this went past puberty, even with Kevin she produced a tv show revealing her home movies and she posed with Sean and him in People magazine. And now she wants to bite the hand that feeds her? It doesn't work like that. Fame and fortune comes at a very high price and if she doesn't want to pay it, then she has to get her ass out of California or she just accept it.


The way that the interview ended, it didn't help her at all! Matt asked her about her new business venture which is designing baby clothes and he said that she liked business. Her response, "I like money."


During the interview they showed clips of her pre-Federline and I (along with many others) we got a little bit sad and nostalgic for the old Britney that we originally fell for. The one that would at least comb her hair and wear shoes when going out in public. That night, we had to accept that we'd never get her back if she continues to go on this downward spiral.


Trent from pink is the new blog and I agree that Britney was never given a substantial amount of time to truly grow up, mature and to "sow her wild oats". Like she said that she "likes money" yet she doesn't want to deal with the problems that go along with that. That's very childlike, she wants it both ways knowing that she can't. If she did, she would know how to handle herself appropriately. In that way, I feel sorry for her but that's it.